God, I can’t do this anymore, my husband refuses to change!

Can I do this for another 15 years? I can’t, I thought as I began to sob desperately in my hand, God You promised me, you said that If I pray to you and believe that what I prayed for, will come to pass before it has come into fruition, then whatever I ask, I will have!  I have begged you for a change in my husband. Why are we arguing about the same things Lord, it’s like a record with a scratch in it, set on a song that you hate, playing over and over again on the same words, sounding like this, “You are my love….skip, you are my love….skip, you are my love……skip”.

I felt so alone at that moment and began to think of all of the arguments Stephen, my husband and I were having all week. With each argument, it weekend my trust in our relationship. Our communication skills were so poor that I could clearly tell him, hey the sky is blue and he would clearly hear me say that the sky was red, and from there I would began to explain how I said it was blue and he would argue back and say, no you said it was red. He slowly begins to speak Greek and I Spanish, turning the argument into a peanuts cartoon, when the adults talk in a Wa, Wa,Waaaaa. God you promised me that this would change. I pray over my husband every day, even fasting and believing that you will remove his heart of stone and replace it with a heart of flesh. Lord I have prayed that you will give him the heart to seek and require you earnestly with everything that he does, understanding that you hold all knowledge!  Lord you said that you would cause the scales to fall from his eyes so that he can see your truths. But God nothing has changed, in fact it’s gotten worse. Every day I try to get him to change by telling him what your word says, I keep trying to get him to understand your ways, I even talked to him until I was blue in the face about you purpose for his life. But God he doesn’t listen, I just can’t anymore, I give up! As I prayed my eyes were shut so tight that as I opened them the light hurt coming in. I looked around my room and the still silence made me angry, because I expected God to be sitting on my bed to discuss, what a failure my husband was and God and I would sit around like girlfriends discussing how we could make my husband just like I wanted him. But God was not there he gave me the silent treatment. Feeling determined, I decided to open up my bible to get courage for the remaining of my day, Steve had just stormed out as we argued about our poor communication.  I mean, it made sense at the time, “ hey go talk to your husband about his poor communication skills, because when we communicate things always work out”, I thought sarcastically as I thumbed through the bible.

And he said to me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. 2 Corinthians 12:9, and finally God began to speak to me. I slowly wept as I felt his arms  surround me, all of the strength I mustered up every day to make a change in my husband was gone, I was so week that as I exhaled all of the tension I held was released. He softly whispered in my ear, “now that you are done, its time you to trust in me, and let me create the change.” I began to chuckle, it was like a cackle of a wicked witch, and then I said God, “so you expect me to wait on my husband to change. Lord its been 15 years, let me move on, so I can get my groove back, before I am old and unable to….find my groove. I mean, really God, this man will never change, he refuses to even be accountable for his role in our arguments, If he doesn’t even believe that he is wrong, how can there ever be change?” There was silence, nothing more was said. I desperately began to search the bible more for answers, at that moment I pondered life without my husband. Although we were at a point that we were not connecting, my heart ached as I thought of a moment without him, and then God spoke again, “you know that whatever the enemy throws your way, I will take those things and turn them around for your good, if you trust in that your will see my plan, my plan is for goodness and mercy to follow you all the days of your life!” my heart began to beat fast as I buried that word in my heart. I began to meditate over that word. 

Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the LORD forever, Psalm 23:6. I prided myself on my obedience to the lord, my prayer life, and the fact that he softened my heart to his word. I was led and guided by the Holy Spirit, my relationship was solid with him, so I found peace in this scripture. But then God’s next word to me shook me to my core, “my child you know that you are the one that needs to change!”

Wives, in the same way submit yourselves to your own husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, 1 Peter 3:3

“You have tried so desperately to move your husband with your words that you have pushed him further away. Change him through your behavior” God whispered softly to my soul. “From now on you are to speak those things that are not as though they were, cast down all bad thoughts of your husband, and when he does something that displeases you, bring it to me in Prayer, and trust in your heart that a change will occur”. Peace began to fill my bedroom and I stood up and began to praise God and glorify him. 

When Steve came home I fixed his dinner and apologized, he smiled and said ok. One of my biggest pet peeves about my husband is that he never tells me that the dinner was good, and I always have to ask. Fixing dinner is one of my  love languages so watching him enjoy the meal, or hearing how good the meal was give me complete and utter satisfaction, unfortunately my husband refuse to remember to say it! 

When he finished dinner, he took his plate put it in the sink, and left the room. I began to pray and said,  ”Lord, I made this dinner for you!”, I gave it to God and forgave my husband and moved on! Wow that felt great, I didn’t pout, I didn’t get angry and didn’t let it bother me, because through the grace of God I knew the food was great. I began to do this with every petty issue we had, even when my Husband was rude to me. I didn’t nag him about it or even discuss it, I gave it to God, and forgave my husband. 

I began to see such a change in Stephen, when he came home I got so many kisses, He always complemented my meals and he began to extend grace to me so that when we communicated he actually heard what I said, and not what he thought I said. God Has shown me that there will be times that we will need to discuss the hard things, but if we come to him in prayer God will soften our hearts to hear one another. Trust in God with all of your heart and do not rely on your own understanding, He will work it out!